Of Mercy and Gratitude

[The following was submitted to the Ordination Board as a sample sermon.]

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him, even though I used to blaspheme the name of Christ. In my insolence, I persecuted his people. But God had mercy on me because I did it in ignorance and unbelief. Oh, how generous and gracious our Lord was! He filled me with the faith and love that come from Christ Jesus.

This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life. All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen.

-- 1 Timothy 1:12-17 (NLT)

I find it so easy to relate to Paul, to see my life through his, perhaps because he laid his life completely open for us to read and inspect. He hid nothing from our eyes, exposing all his faults, bringing the skeletons in his closet into plain view in the living room. In his many letters, he listed his weaknesses, his doubts, his failings, his mistakes. And most importantly for all who call themselves Christian, Paul admitted his sins to all the generations to follow who would casually glance through his letters or pore over his words. How many of us would dare to note our transgressions in writing for anyone and everyone to see? Who among us would readily confess to blaspheming the name of our Christ, to persecuting His followers, sending them to prison and even to their deaths? Paul was a courageous man, a man of immeasurable strength of character, a man without fear. Yet you would never know it from his own admissions.

In his Book of the Acts of the Apostles, Luke describes Saul as a young Pharisee, one who watched over the cloaks of those who stoned Stephen. He tells how Saul showed great dedication and zeal while carrying out the plan of stopping this new Way dead in its tracks. Luke puts it quite succinctly: “But Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to house, he dragged off men and women and put them in prison.” (Acts 8:3 NIV) Saul was intent on destroying the Church, with a capital “C”. Not some building somewhere, not one isolated congregation off in the Gentile lands. No, Saul would have liked nothing better than to have been solely responsible for bringing down the Body of Christ left on earth, and trampling it into the dust of history.

But then an amazing thing happened. As Saul headed to Damascus with the goal of taking more Christians prisoner, Jesus came to Him in a blinding flash of light, asking “Why do you persecute Me?” (Acts 9:4b NIV) The next few days proved pivotal for Saul, as he came to know Jesus as the true and trustworthy risen Savior through Christ's words and actions, working through Saul and through others to effect the conversion. Paul emerged from the shattered and broken form of Saul. You might say that Paul was the resurrection of Saul, for through Christ he was reborn, his spiritual life revived from the dead of spirit, his once cold heart softened and revitalized, his closed mind opened to a new truth.

Like many of us today, Paul found it somewhat difficult to accept this beautiful gift of grace. God, in the person of the risen Jesus, could just as easily have struck Saul dead right where he stood on that dirt road to Damascus. The Lord could have ended a major source of persecution with one blow, even making an example of him to his companions. After all, they heard the voice of Jesus even though they could see no one and likely did not really understand the words, like a conversation barely audible from another room. But instead of striking him dead on the spot, Jesus had other plans for Paul, better plans.

Why did God spare him? Haven't we asked ourselves that question at one time or another, maybe in a slightly different form? I certainly have. I can think of at least three definite instances that I should not have survived. One in particular came behind the wheel of an out-of-control truck careening down the highway aimed directly at a flooded section covering about a half-mile over a stream. Each attempt I made to gain control, the rain-slick roadway thwarted. Finally, feeling the weight of my rig shifting to one side and knowing it was about to flip, I gave up. I lifted my hands from the steering wheel, raised them before me, and said “OK, God, it's all yours. There's nothing else I can do.” Since I am still standing you can pretty much assume that I lived through this little event. But you cannot guess what happened next. Did the truck flip and roll down the highway? Did the fuel spill and ignite? Were others injured due to my driving too fast under inclement conditions? Nope. None of the above. As soon as the words left my mouth, the truck righted itself. It stopped sliding and immediately straightened out on the road, slowing to a stop in the middle of the blacktop within yards of where the flooding began. No one was hurt, nothing was damaged. I gave my physical well-being to God and in that instant He spared me. Why?

I wish I could say that I dedicated my life to Jesus that day. Sadly, it just left me with more questions. Paul, though, faced no such indecision. Once he saw the light, figuratively and literally, he fully gave himself to the service of Christ and His Church. How I would like to have been a witness on the day when Paul first faced the Disciples to tell them of his conversion and commitment. Can you even imagine the tension that must have filled that assembly? The hunter of Christians now humbly standing before his prey. But with God's help, Paul convinced the leaders of the early Church of the honesty of his conversion and his commission to spread the Gospel to the Gentiles.

Paul was also a man of unshakable faith. That truth is easily found in his letters. His amazement at God's mercy and grace comes across vividly in his words, in the stirrings of his heart placed on paper. “How generous and gracious our Lord was!”, he exclaims. “God had mercy on me”, he speaks softly, eyes downturn with the thoughts of just how much he had done against this very God who would forgive him. “I am the worst (sinner) of them all”, he admits, with a tear in his eye. I can almost see him shaking in barely contained grief and self-recrimination. Then his heads lifts slowly, a look of surprise and awe growing over his face. “But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me.” Almost as if trying to convince himself that it indeed happened, Paul affirms twice in this short passage that God showed him mercy. Why?

The risen Christ came to Saul on that fateful day, blinded him, and showed him the truth. Once broken, Paul could serve the Lord, just as the two small loaves of bread, once broken, served the Lord in feeding over five thousand people. On that rainy day when God took control of my truck and saved my life, I was shaken, and grateful, but not quite convinced. At that time, I really did not know the extent of my ignorance, did not really understand how Jesus could be my personal savior. That came many years later, when one lonely night, trembling in a darkness of my own making, my life a shambles around me, the light struck me much as it did Paul that day long ago, filling my soul with its radiance, giving me sight rather than blinding me. There on my knees I gave my physical and spiritual life completely to Christ. And suddenly the room seemed to brighten. A tremendous weight lifted from my heart. A moment before, my life had been careening out of control down a slippery highway. I bowed my head and said, “OK, God. I'm all yours.” Immediately the Lord took control and pulled me safely to His side. So like Paul, I stand in awe of our gracious and merciful God who could forgive even the worst of sinners like me. Like Paul, I can affirm to how Christ saved me. Why?

I believe Paul would understand my love for a wonderful Christian hymn, one that so clearly describes how he and I feel when we consider what God has done for us:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
'Twas blind, but now I see.

God in His mercy looked down and saw me in my wretched state, lost and wandering through life like a sheep without a shepherd. Blinded by the bright lights of the world of man, I could not see the truth of the Light of the Son of Man. Then, by His grace, God spared me. Why?

Paul answers this question I've asked so many times now. Why? “So that Christ Jesus could use me”. Paul believed without a shadow of a doubt that God saved him so that Christ could make use of him. While we know from reading of the many works of Paul in Luke's Book of Acts and can gather even more insight into his efforts for our Lord through his letters, he tells us clearly that the primary purpose he could serve for Jesus is as an “example of His great patience with even the worst sinners”. Like Paul. Like me. And what is the result of such an example? “Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in Him and receive eternal life.” How great is that! Isn't that the very best news we could ever spread? Even the worst sinners can believe in Jesus and receive eternal life! We are all sinners, all subject to the original sin and separation from God. Once we realize that God loves us enough to save even sinners like us, then we can show others by our very example that they too can be saved and receive the most wonderful gift of life eternal with our Savior.

Paul fully understood that serving our Lord would not be easy. In the opening verse of our message text he thanks Jesus for the strength he needs to do Christ's work. In this Paul assures us that Jesus knows just how difficult our assignments may be, so He gives us the endurance to persevere and complete our mission. When discussing the saga of Paul, the Book of Acts reads almost like an adventure novel. He faced the greatest adversities imaginable. Standing before the Disciples and elders for the very first time after his conversion might have left Paul nervous, sweating and shaking as he tried to explain how he could possibly now love and follow the very movement he had sought to destroy, but that may well have been the easiest challenge of his remaining years. He traveled all over the countryside on his missionary trips throughout Asia Minor. He was chased, scorned, beaten, shipwrecked, arrested, imprisoned, and executed. You can hear the exhaustion in his voice as he pens his later letters. Yet he seldom complained. He did note that he asked God three times to take away an affliction, his “thorn in the side”. But even that he considered a blessing, thanking God for allowing it. “Pray without ceasing”, Paul said. “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18 NKJV) Yes, Paul needed an endless reservoir of strength to withstand all he faced for Christ's sake, to carry out the mission Jesus assigned him. And he never once forgot just where that strength came from, from what source he gained the courage to rise and face each new day: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)

For all of this, with everything he has been through and seen, Paul praises God for filling him with the faith and love that comes directly from our Savior. He even tells us the reason why, because Jesus considered him trustworthy and appointed him to serve our Lord. Jesus has also appointed each of us, whether we realize it or not, to serve our Lord in some role. At the very least, we all share the responsibility of representing Jesus by loving each other as He loves us. For some, as it did for Paul, Christ's desires and expectations of us go far beyond this starting point. God has given each of us special gifts, certain talents. We can ignore them, we can employ them to our own benefit, or we can use them to advance the Kingdom of God. As in all areas, the choice is ours; free will is at work. Some have the gift of authentically relating to others, giving them comfort and peace in times of turmoil. Some are given the voice of angels, able to lift praises to God with beautiful singing or playing of musical instruments. Some are endowed with a creative flair, able to turn words into great works of art. Some share a gift of communication and can lift the hearts of man with powerful speeches. Some are drawn to the pulpit, answering the call of God to use the gifts they have so graciously been given, combined with the strength from Jesus, all to serve Him.

Everyone is given a gift, not to hold and treasure but to share with the world so that through us others might see the Light of Christ Jesus. We are given the strength to carry that gift even in the face of adversity, even when those with whom we most need to share it oppose us. And even though we are sinners, we have been deemed trustworthy and appointed by Him who came to serve God's will, to fulfill His commission. Oh, how generous and gracious our God is! He fills us with the faith and love that comes from Jesus our Christ. All honor and glory to God, forever and ever. Amen.