Tough Love

 

[The following is a manuscript of my message delivered at Pilgrim Reformed Church on Sunday morning, the 15th of February, 2026.  If all went well, a recording of the service may be available on our YouTube streaming channel: 

https://www.youtube.com/@pilgrimreformedchurch1992/streams for the older services or https://www.youtube.com/@pilgrimreformedchurch3115/streams for later services.]

Family, are you familiar with the phrase, “tough love”?  It’s when we force someone to do something for their own good even if they don’t want to do it, or we make them take responsibility for their actions, and all because we love them and care about their future.  Movies and TV shows usually showed it being carried out in family interventions with addicts, or the like.  But it can even apply when a parent disciplines their child.

If we love someone enough, we want them to always do the right thing, to stay out of trouble, to keep themselves healthy and safe from harm.  It isn’t that we’re being mean.  It’s an act of love.  Tough love, to be sure – tough on the person it is being applied to, and also tough on the one applying it.  We don’t want to hurt someone we love, even if just a little bit, but sometimes it becomes necessary when looking after their wellbeing.

Being God, Jesus knew why He was sent to earth, He knew what He was sent to do, and He knew how it would all turn out.  His fate was foretold at His birth, with the gift of myrrh, used to anoint the bodies of royalty for burial.  He saw the cross over the great distance of time.  And He loved us enough to want to save us all, and that sometimes required tough love, even when addressing His chosen followers, His twelve.

Please listen and follow along as Jesus instructs His twelve before sending them out as Apostles, in pairs to the villages and towns in the region, telling them what to expect, telling it like it is.  This was recorded by the Apostle Matthew in verses 32 through 42 of the 10th chapter of his Gospel account, and I’ll be reading from the New King James Version of our Holy Bible this morning – this is Jesus speaking…

32 “Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. 33 But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.

34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

40 “He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me. 41 He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet’s reward. And he who receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man’s reward. 42 And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward.” 

--Matthew 10:32-42 (NKJV)

Let us pray…  Heavenly Father, thank You for inspiring the men and women who authored the books of our Bible, and especially for the men who saved Jesus’ life and words for us in their Gospel accounts.  Father, we truly are a stubborn, stiff-necked people.  Sometime we need to be smacked up-side the head to get our attention.  Sometimes we need tough love.  Thank You for loving us enough to be tough on us when we need it.  Please keep after us.  Please forgive us, Father, when we resist Your Holy Spirit’s guidance as He tries to keep us on the righteous path.

Speak to us now, Father, that we might hear Your voice through Your Spirit within us and better understand our message today.  This we humbly pray in the precious name of Your Son, Christ Jesus our Lord.   Amen.

In his book Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis wrote:

“Do not waste your time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor, act as if you did.  As soon as we do this, we find one of the great secrets.  When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.  If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more.  If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less.”

We are to love others whether they love us back or not.  Love can be painful, especially when it isn't returned.  But sometimes love must be painful, so that we can get the message.  Sometimes we need to be awakened from our stupor.  Sometimes we need to be blinded to see the truth.  This is the whole idea behind tough love: helping someone get the help they need for their own good, even if it hurts.

We humans can, and often do, stubbornly resist doing the things that are good for us.  We get set in our ways.  And too often those ways are the ways of the world.  In that respect, the disciples were no different from us.  Even though they walked with Jesus, watched Him, listened to Him, learned from Him, they too struggled at times to break the world’s grip over their words, actions, and thought patterns.  So from time to time, Jesus had to rebuke His closest disciples, the ones He loved most, the ones He chose.

I think most of us will be familiar with one of those times, even though we might not have seen it in this light.  Jesus had been telling His disciples about what was coming, that He would soon be handed over to the authorities, be beaten and killed.  Peter vehemently denied this news, saying it would never happen.  Please listen to what followed, also recorded by Matthew, in the 16th chapter of his Gospel account, in verses 23 through 27…

23 But [Jesus] turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.”

24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. 26 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? 27 For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works.”

--Matthew 16:23-27 (NKJV)

Was Jesus calling Peter Satan?  No!  But He was rebuking His disciple for continuing to think as Satan would have him think, reasoning and reacting in the ways of the world rather than understanding what Jesus had been trying to tell him and the others all along.

And family, this is His message to us as well.  When we conform ourselves to the ways of the world, think as the world would have us think, react as the world wants us to react, we lose our focus on the things of heaven.  We stop thinking, acting, and reacting as God would have us do: in a loving manner.

And this is why, from time to time, God will rebuke us, through Jesus’ words or through conviction by the Holy Spirit.  It’s not because God is mean and wants to see us suffer.  It’s because He loves us, and wants us to do what is in our best interests.  He’s looking after our well-being when His Holy Spirit punches us in the gut or gives us a swift kick.  It’s tough love, and it’s for our own good.

This coming Wednesday – Ash Wednesday - marks the beginning of Lent, the time for repentance, for introspection, and for prayer.  As we approach the season of Lent, we need to remember that everything Jesus did, He did out of love; His love for His Father, God's love for us.  Sometimes, it was tough love, but always meant to help us.  So we should look at the cross as an emblem of love, a symbol of love, a love that we too should carry and share.

And let us take a good hard look at ourselves, at our hearts, at our interactions with others.  Let’s pray that God will dish out a little tough love on us if…  no… when we need it.  In the blessed name of Christ Jesus our Lord, our Redeemer, our Friend.  Amen.

Let us pray…  Almighty God, thank You for loving us and wanting us to do the right thing at all times.  And thank You for those doses of tough love to keep us on the straight and narrow.  Father, we know we can often be easily convinced to act in ways that displease You.  And we know this is not good for us.  Please forgive us these times, Lord.  And forgive us when we fail to do as You and Jesus command.  Please strengthen us to show the world the truth while ignoring its temptations.  And please help us do a better job of sharing our Lord Jesus with others so that they too may be saved by Your mercy and Jesus’ sacrifice.  

Please hear us now, Father, as we pause for just a moment to speak to You through Your Spirit within us, promising to be more obedient to Your word, and seeking Your help to do so…

Lord Jesus, You came to this earth to redeem all of mankind of our sin and to offer us all salvation.  You warned us to leave the world behind so that we can take up our own cross and follow You.  And You showed tough love, even to those who believed in You, even to Your chosen twelve.  You rebuked the Pharisees and scribes, You rebuked Your disciples, and You rebuke us when we go astray.  Thank You, Jesus for helping us stay righteous in our Father God’s eyes.  Please strengthen us and encourage us to not be afraid to show a little tough love, too, when it is needed, but remind us to emphasize the “love” part of that discipline.  Help us reach out to the non-believing world, sharing the Gospel message, showing Your love through our love.  Help us, guide us in our attempts to bring the lost to You.

Holy Spirit, please shield our minds and our hearts from Satan’s lies and the world’s empty promises.  Guide us around all the devil’s traps and snares.  Help us see though his temptations.  Help us keep our focus on the things of heaven and the needs of others rather than on anything this world might offer.  All this we pray in the blessed name of Christ Jesus our Lord.  Amen.